[ Akobi stills, key in the lock, as Poe speaks. He doesn't respond right away, finishes unlocking the door first. Only once the door is open and he's picking up the bags he had set down does he speak. ]
No, I'm sure you didn't. But it's the things we don't mean to say that most often reveal the truth about ourselves.
[ With that, he steps inside, once again trusting Poe to follow him through to the kitchen. He deposits his bags on the kitchen table, and begins unpacking them one by one. ]
You've got your heart set on starting some kind of relationship with 622. So I'm going to tell you now: that won't be as easy as you think it will be. You may be able to set aside the war-- it's been decades, from your perspective. It's completely understandable that it wouldn't mean as much to you. But 622 was built for that conflict. And the rest of us who exist on the sidelines of your happy union have our own hangups surrounding the history between the Empire and those who fight back against it.
[ He pauses, hand resting on a carton of milk, and looks up into Poe's eyes. ] I'm not going to say that there have been direct threats on my life, here. But I have not been made to feel welcome by your Rebel friends, all of your attempts to the contrary. And they're not wrong, Poe, in acting this way.
If you really want to keep 622 in your life, to forge something pure and loving out of all that hate... It will be a hard road to go down.
[ That said, he goes back to unpacking his groceries. ]
[ Poe, for his part, just kind of continues to hold the groceries, looking at Akobi over an armful of bags and food, frowning and looking very uncomfortable.
Two days ago, it would be easy to answer that with bravado about how it was worth it, how he wasn't going to back down over other people's feelings. Two days ago, it would have felt true. Now he was staring down the barrel of probably having just lost his best friend - his family - and it was a bitter pill to swallow. ]
I have no delusions that this is easy. [ His voice was solemn. ] Trust me, I don't. And I- I can't speak for them, but I know they all want peace. They'll come around. I just - I forced it too early. And I'm sorry for that.
But if you think I'm going into this with no concept of sacrifice or risk then you're utterly wrong.
I don't know you. I don't know your future. I never will. [ Which is his way of admitting that he can't speak to what Poe is or isn't entering this relationship with.
He glances up, a casual yet polite smile on his face. ]
Don't stand there. Here. Put those down and start unpacking.
[ It's like there are two things happening at once. There's the benign unloading of groceries, and there's the underlying talk of war and prejudices and sacrifice. But if they're going to talk about the latter, they have to keep doing the former. Akobi doesn't think he can stand to confront that sort of talk head on. He clears a space on the table for Poe to deposit the bags he's still holding, and begins to put things away. ]
How well do you know that? Because wanting peace doesn't seem to go hand in hand with respecting the right of Imperials to live their lives.
[ He was still formulating a reply to the first part when he got distracted by talk of bags and the shuffling, and a little shamefacedly set the bags down and began to go through them. ]
We've had - We've had violence, here, before. The truce was a reaction not a - not a preventative measure. Some of us have been here a while now. They're gunshy and jumpy because every time someone new ports in the balance changes and everyone half expects them to break the truce. If they're jabbing at you - it's because they want to see if at some point you'll snap and retaliate violently. Because people have before.
[ And he'd shot him in the head. But that wasn't necessary to say, right now. ]
But you guys deserve your lives here as much as anyone. Right now you're a - you're a symbol of oppression, not a man, to them. It makes it easy to detach and makes it easy to harass. Force knows that I know that. [ Half muttered to himself, he was still ashamed of the way he treated 622 when the stormtrooper first got here. ] But it's wrong. And they'll get there.
[ A pause. ]
Except for maybe Kanan. Just avoid Kanan. If he harasses you, let me know, and I'll deal with it, but in the mean time just don't bother.
I would think that, if they were truly interested in peace, they would encourage an atmosphere of understanding rather than tempt violence straight out of the gate.
[ But, these are Rebels there talking about. They're not known for rational decisions. ]
Well... If you'd met Krennic, perhaps you'd understand wanting to skip to the part where it's obvious he's a psychopath.
We've had attacks here - before the truce - simply because someone heard someone is a rebel.
But there have been good men - imperial officers - that had befriended a lot of them in the past. Eli and Bodhi were really close, for a while. He ported out a while ago now though. Thrawn - well friends might be pushing it, but he was dedicated to peace, at least.
They just need a chance to see you as a person rather than as a symbol for the war machine.
Yeah. There are a few rebels that if they showed up here, I would have a hard time not wanting to immediately punch them in the face. But we've been lucky, so far. [ Punch in the face is putting it lightly. If Saw showed up, after what he did to Bodhi, Poe would be hard pressed not to kill him. ]
You would have liked Eli. He was a good man. Even when we disagreed.
As for 622... He, uh - honestly I'd been careful about having them interact at all.
[ He frowned. ]
Not that I thought anything would happen, but... I know it's a lot for him, even dealing with me, and I'm a generation separate. And for a while he thought Hux was imperial, and Hux has attacked us before, so... Better to avoid than risk it. But then Thrawn tried to intervene and I - well it just seemed really dumb to keep avoiding him, so we started meeting up again. It was pretty secret, though. I don't think anyone really knew - for a little while anyway. But it just didn't seem worth putting him into a difficult position when he didn't have anyone to look up to for help or guidance. I don't count. He needed you.
[ He turned his head and shrugged a little awkwardly. ] So that was my first test, really. At mixing the two. You can see how great that went.
[ A weird sense of relief flooded him - like he was expecting a fight and didn't have to get one. Akobi could probably feel some of that tension release from his shoulders. ]
Don't worry, you won't. [ A little of that bravado slipping into his voice, as he was getting a little too close to vulnerable for comfort. ]
I am told I am incredibly stubborn and bullheaded - don't think that's about to change any time soon.
Yeah, I think it's a common military trait. [ A little wryly. There's a pause before he goes back to the groceries, too. He's quiet for a long moment, the gears turning in his head, but he can't quite make it all fit together. There was something that he hadn't managed to say, but damn if he could figure out what it was. So after a moment of rustling bags and stacking food, he said in a low voice: ]
Did he tell you what a dick I was, when we first met?
That's... putting it mildly. [ His brows furrowed a little bit. He wasn't sure how to feel about that. It wasn't a lie, of course, but it was probably the gentlest way 622 could have put it. ... Was 622 trying to protect him? Or had he honestly forgiven him to the point where that was his most accurate way of describing it?
Either option made a very weird warmth grip his chest.
He wet his lips, busying his hands with fiddling with groceries. ]
I impersonated an Imperial Officer and told him that Canada was this nation's mortal enemy.
[ Akobi should be glad he had already placed the carton of (white) milk he was carrying into the fridge because he would have dropped it in shock at what he just heard. Instead he slams the fridge door and whirls around on Poe, face livid. ]
I didn't know how conditioned he was. We don't have them in my time. I figured he'd see through it in thirty seconds.
[ He swallowed, lowering his hands a little. ]
But he was so damn relieved to have someone there - five minutes later I decided to take him out for Chinese food. I--
Look. He needed someone. Okay? That much was damn obvious. And the state he was in when he got here - there was a good chance he'd punch me in the face, if he didn't shoot me. He was jumpy and - honestly, Commander, he was traumatized. So, yeah, I couldn't - I couldn't really give it up.
I know I should have, but I-- He's a good man, and I figured that out pretty damn fast, and I wanted to be there for him. Okay? It wasn't - it's not like I was giving him orders or anything-- -- -- well other than the one about his name, but--
[ This is the first Akobi is hearing that clones aren't in production in Dameron's time. It makes sense; if the Empire lost the war, their clone programs would shut down. The Rebel army didn't use clones, after all. The realization makes him take a mental step back to really understand that there's obviously a lot that happened that he didn't know about, and getting angry off of half the facts will help no one.
That's not to say that Dameron didn't just take a huge step down in Akobi's estimation of him, but before he jumped to any rash conclusions, he would be sure to get 622's side of the story.
He sighed, setting himself the task of folding up the now empty grocery bags to put them away in the pantry closet. ]
[ Poe lowered his hands, finally, though he didn't look any less awkward, and he was suddenly very very aware of his limbs and where he was and what he was doing.
What was he doing? 622 had gone out of his way to protect him, and he was just kicking it over like a sand castle. Damn it. ]
I didn't -- [ He swallowed, trying to think of the best way to put it, but then his power kicked in and dragged the confession out of him unfiltered: ] I hate the number. It's one of the most dehumanizing- degrading- I don't like them on droids and they're even worse on clones. Finn only had a number too, when I met him, so I figured out something else to call him and it stuck.
So I told him to fit in on this planet he'd need to take a name. I wasn't - I wasn't wrong, exactly, Force knows he gets grief trying to stick to his resignation. So I called him Taiko. For - for TK.
But I don't now. Because I know what that designation means for him, so it doesn't matter if I hate it.
This is the point I'm trying to make. Out of all of them - I was the worst. [ He swallowed, looking a little queasy. But he powered on. ]
I was the worst, and an idiot, and an asshole, and he was - he was only ever amazing, and I learned. If I could get it shaken out of me - they all can too. That's - that's all I'm trying to say.
[ There's a lot about this conversation that Akobi will have to unpack later. His first thought is that it's so obvious Dameron has never met a single clone before 622, if he thinks that the TK part of the designation is where an individual's name should come from. But Akobi doesn't comment on that, because that would be pedantic.
He needs to talk to 622. Get the whole report from him. He trusts 622's word more than the incoherent, emotional ramblings of some man from the future who thought it would be funny to play a joke on a clone soldier, then somehow had a change of heart and ended up falling for him. Not knowing about Poe's TMI power, the rushed-sounding confession just reads as immaturity to Akobi, but... 622 returns his feelings. So, knowing that, Akobi has to at least make an effort to understand why. ]
I see what you're trying to say. I do not, and will not agree with the path you took to get there. I want that stated now. But I appreciate that you arrived at this conclusion nonetheless.
Of course you don't agree with it. I don't agree with it. I've been spending every damn moment since then trying to make up for it.
If you weren't disgusted by it, I'd be a lot more worried in general, trust me. [ He pauses, swallowing. ]
I didn't... I didn't know he hadn't really told you. But you deserved to know it. The full, stupid, ugly mess of it. I swore to him that I'd never lie to him again, and that - that by necessity therefore extends to you.
... He did you proud, okay? He didn't do anything wrong. He cut off contact with me the moment I confessed. Didn't open it again until he was ordered to. So he - he didn't break any regulations, or - or do anything you would have disproved of.
He was a stormtrooper. [ His voice gets careful, suddenly. Not because he's lying but because he hasn't had to talk about Finn in a while, and after everything with 622 - - a part of him feels like he's betraying him. ]
Not like the clones. He was nabbed as a child - doesn't remember his family. He - he saved my life, aboard the Finaliser. Pulled me out of - well - not a great time. Saved me from execution. Helped me escape. Finished my mission when he thought I was dead. Was the key piece to bringing down the weapon that destroyed an entire system, and the - the best man I've ever known.
[ Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Full disclosure. Can't even leave this part out because 622 already knew - and if he left it out and the clone filled it in, so much for his vow of honesty. ]
He was here. For a while. We- I- we were together. A few months. He got ported out days before 622 showed up. [ Then, very quickly: ] Which is not an excuse for my behaviour, at all. Even if he would have hit me upside the head for it. I'm perfectly capable of being an idiot, regardless.
[ Akobi nods, listening. He keeps putting away groceries until the counter is clear of everything. Only then does he stop and say, ] ...So you have a type.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
No, I'm sure you didn't. But it's the things we don't mean to say that most often reveal the truth about ourselves.
[ With that, he steps inside, once again trusting Poe to follow him through to the kitchen. He deposits his bags on the kitchen table, and begins unpacking them one by one. ]
You've got your heart set on starting some kind of relationship with 622. So I'm going to tell you now: that won't be as easy as you think it will be. You may be able to set aside the war-- it's been decades, from your perspective. It's completely understandable that it wouldn't mean as much to you. But 622 was built for that conflict. And the rest of us who exist on the sidelines of your happy union have our own hangups surrounding the history between the Empire and those who fight back against it.
[ He pauses, hand resting on a carton of milk, and looks up into Poe's eyes. ] I'm not going to say that there have been direct threats on my life, here. But I have not been made to feel welcome by your Rebel friends, all of your attempts to the contrary. And they're not wrong, Poe, in acting this way.
If you really want to keep 622 in your life, to forge something pure and loving out of all that hate... It will be a hard road to go down.
[ That said, he goes back to unpacking his groceries. ]
no subject
Two days ago, it would be easy to answer that with bravado about how it was worth it, how he wasn't going to back down over other people's feelings. Two days ago, it would have felt true. Now he was staring down the barrel of probably having just lost his best friend - his family - and it was a bitter pill to swallow. ]
I have no delusions that this is easy. [ His voice was solemn. ] Trust me, I don't. And I- I can't speak for them, but I know they all want peace. They'll come around. I just - I forced it too early. And I'm sorry for that.
But if you think I'm going into this with no concept of sacrifice or risk then you're utterly wrong.
no subject
He glances up, a casual yet polite smile on his face. ]
Don't stand there. Here. Put those down and start unpacking.
[ It's like there are two things happening at once. There's the benign unloading of groceries, and there's the underlying talk of war and prejudices and sacrifice. But if they're going to talk about the latter, they have to keep doing the former. Akobi doesn't think he can stand to confront that sort of talk head on. He clears a space on the table for Poe to deposit the bags he's still holding, and begins to put things away. ]
How well do you know that? Because wanting peace doesn't seem to go hand in hand with respecting the right of Imperials to live their lives.
no subject
We've had - We've had violence, here, before. The truce was a reaction not a - not a preventative measure. Some of us have been here a while now. They're gunshy and jumpy because every time someone new ports in the balance changes and everyone half expects them to break the truce. If they're jabbing at you - it's because they want to see if at some point you'll snap and retaliate violently. Because people have before.
[ And he'd shot him in the head. But that wasn't necessary to say, right now. ]
But you guys deserve your lives here as much as anyone. Right now you're a - you're a symbol of oppression, not a man, to them. It makes it easy to detach and makes it easy to harass. Force knows that I know that. [ Half muttered to himself, he was still ashamed of the way he treated 622 when the stormtrooper first got here. ] But it's wrong. And they'll get there.
[ A pause. ]
Except for maybe Kanan. Just avoid Kanan. If he harasses you, let me know, and I'll deal with it, but in the mean time just don't bother.
TWO WEEKS LATER orz
[ But, these are Rebels there talking about. They're not known for rational decisions. ]
no subject
We've had attacks here - before the truce - simply because someone heard someone is a rebel.
But there have been good men - imperial officers - that had befriended a lot of them in the past. Eli and Bodhi were really close, for a while. He ported out a while ago now though. Thrawn - well friends might be pushing it, but he was dedicated to peace, at least.
They just need a chance to see you as a person rather than as a symbol for the war machine.
no subject
I'm sorry to see that these other Imperial officers are no longer present. Maybe then things wouldn't feel so one-sided.
How long have these friends of yours had to see 622 as a person? He's been here six months.
no subject
You would have liked Eli. He was a good man. Even when we disagreed.
As for 622... He, uh - honestly I'd been careful about having them interact at all.
[ He frowned. ]
Not that I thought anything would happen, but... I know it's a lot for him, even dealing with me, and I'm a generation separate. And for a while he thought Hux was imperial, and Hux has attacked us before, so... Better to avoid than risk it. But then Thrawn tried to intervene and I - well it just seemed really dumb to keep avoiding him, so we started meeting up again. It was pretty secret, though. I don't think anyone really knew - for a little while anyway. But it just didn't seem worth putting him into a difficult position when he didn't have anyone to look up to for help or guidance. I don't count. He needed you.
[ He turned his head and shrugged a little awkwardly. ] So that was my first test, really. At mixing the two. You can see how great that went.
But it was just a first try.
no subject
It's good of you to try. Don't let anyone, including me, talk you out of trying.
no subject
Don't worry, you won't. [ A little of that bravado slipping into his voice, as he was getting a little too close to vulnerable for comfort. ]
I am told I am incredibly stubborn and bullheaded - don't think that's about to change any time soon.
no subject
Don't worry, I knew plenty of men just like you in the Army. I can handle stubborn and bullheaded.
no subject
Did he tell you what a dick I was, when we first met?
no subject
[ And damn, if Akobi wasn't curious for more. ]
He said you prejudged him, because he was an Imperial stormtrooper.
no subject
Either option made a very weird warmth grip his chest.
He wet his lips, busying his hands with fiddling with groceries. ]
I impersonated an Imperial Officer and told him that Canada was this nation's mortal enemy.
no subject
You what?!
no subject
Asshole, remember? It was supposed to be a thirty second joke.
no subject
You knew he was a clone. You knew he would obey any Imperial Officer presented to him.
[ He shook his head, trying to focus instead of losing himself to anger. ] How long did this charade last?
no subject
[ He swallowed, lowering his hands a little. ]
But he was so damn relieved to have someone there - five minutes later I decided to take him out for Chinese food. I--
Look. He needed someone. Okay? That much was damn obvious. And the state he was in when he got here - there was a good chance he'd punch me in the face, if he didn't shoot me. He was jumpy and - honestly, Commander, he was traumatized. So, yeah, I couldn't - I couldn't really give it up.
I know I should have, but I-- He's a good man, and I figured that out pretty damn fast, and I wanted to be there for him. Okay? It wasn't - it's not like I was giving him orders or anything-- -- -- well other than the one about his name, but--
no subject
That's not to say that Dameron didn't just take a huge step down in Akobi's estimation of him, but before he jumped to any rash conclusions, he would be sure to get 622's side of the story.
He sighed, setting himself the task of folding up the now empty grocery bags to put them away in the pantry closet. ]
What order about his name?
no subject
What was he doing? 622 had gone out of his way to protect him, and he was just kicking it over like a sand castle. Damn it. ]
I didn't -- [ He swallowed, trying to think of the best way to put it, but then his power kicked in and dragged the confession out of him unfiltered: ] I hate the number. It's one of the most dehumanizing- degrading- I don't like them on droids and they're even worse on clones. Finn only had a number too, when I met him, so I figured out something else to call him and it stuck.
So I told him to fit in on this planet he'd need to take a name. I wasn't - I wasn't wrong, exactly, Force knows he gets grief trying to stick to his resignation. So I called him Taiko. For - for TK.
But I don't now. Because I know what that designation means for him, so it doesn't matter if I hate it.
This is the point I'm trying to make. Out of all of them - I was the worst. [ He swallowed, looking a little queasy. But he powered on. ]
I was the worst, and an idiot, and an asshole, and he was - he was only ever amazing, and I learned. If I could get it shaken out of me - they all can too. That's - that's all I'm trying to say.
no subject
He needs to talk to 622. Get the whole report from him. He trusts 622's word more than the incoherent, emotional ramblings of some man from the future who thought it would be funny to play a joke on a clone soldier, then somehow had a change of heart and ended up falling for him. Not knowing about Poe's TMI power, the rushed-sounding confession just reads as immaturity to Akobi, but... 622 returns his feelings. So, knowing that, Akobi has to at least make an effort to understand why. ]
I see what you're trying to say. I do not, and will not agree with the path you took to get there. I want that stated now. But I appreciate that you arrived at this conclusion nonetheless.
no subject
If you weren't disgusted by it, I'd be a lot more worried in general, trust me. [ He pauses, swallowing. ]
I didn't... I didn't know he hadn't really told you. But you deserved to know it. The full, stupid, ugly mess of it. I swore to him that I'd never lie to him again, and that - that by necessity therefore extends to you.
... He did you proud, okay? He didn't do anything wrong. He cut off contact with me the moment I confessed. Didn't open it again until he was ordered to. So he - he didn't break any regulations, or - or do anything you would have disproved of.
.. It was just me.
no subject
[ Bags gathered and put away, he gets back to shelving the rest of the groceries. ] So. While we're being honest. Who's Finn?
no subject
Fuck. ]
He was a stormtrooper. [ His voice gets careful, suddenly. Not because he's lying but because he hasn't had to talk about Finn in a while, and after everything with 622 - - a part of him feels like he's betraying him. ]
Not like the clones. He was nabbed as a child - doesn't remember his family. He - he saved my life, aboard the Finaliser. Pulled me out of - well - not a great time. Saved me from execution. Helped me escape. Finished my mission when he thought I was dead. Was the key piece to bringing down the weapon that destroyed an entire system, and the - the best man I've ever known.
[ Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Full disclosure. Can't even leave this part out because 622 already knew - and if he left it out and the clone filled it in, so much for his vow of honesty. ]
He was here. For a while. We- I- we were together. A few months. He got ported out days before 622 showed up. [ Then, very quickly: ] Which is not an excuse for my behaviour, at all. Even if he would have hit me upside the head for it. I'm perfectly capable of being an idiot, regardless.
He hasn't been back since.
no subject
This Finn... He wasn't a clone, I take it?
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)