[ A weird sense of relief flooded him - like he was expecting a fight and didn't have to get one. Akobi could probably feel some of that tension release from his shoulders. ]
Don't worry, you won't. [ A little of that bravado slipping into his voice, as he was getting a little too close to vulnerable for comfort. ]
I am told I am incredibly stubborn and bullheaded - don't think that's about to change any time soon.
Yeah, I think it's a common military trait. [ A little wryly. There's a pause before he goes back to the groceries, too. He's quiet for a long moment, the gears turning in his head, but he can't quite make it all fit together. There was something that he hadn't managed to say, but damn if he could figure out what it was. So after a moment of rustling bags and stacking food, he said in a low voice: ]
Did he tell you what a dick I was, when we first met?
That's... putting it mildly. [ His brows furrowed a little bit. He wasn't sure how to feel about that. It wasn't a lie, of course, but it was probably the gentlest way 622 could have put it. ... Was 622 trying to protect him? Or had he honestly forgiven him to the point where that was his most accurate way of describing it?
Either option made a very weird warmth grip his chest.
He wet his lips, busying his hands with fiddling with groceries. ]
I impersonated an Imperial Officer and told him that Canada was this nation's mortal enemy.
[ Akobi should be glad he had already placed the carton of (white) milk he was carrying into the fridge because he would have dropped it in shock at what he just heard. Instead he slams the fridge door and whirls around on Poe, face livid. ]
I didn't know how conditioned he was. We don't have them in my time. I figured he'd see through it in thirty seconds.
[ He swallowed, lowering his hands a little. ]
But he was so damn relieved to have someone there - five minutes later I decided to take him out for Chinese food. I--
Look. He needed someone. Okay? That much was damn obvious. And the state he was in when he got here - there was a good chance he'd punch me in the face, if he didn't shoot me. He was jumpy and - honestly, Commander, he was traumatized. So, yeah, I couldn't - I couldn't really give it up.
I know I should have, but I-- He's a good man, and I figured that out pretty damn fast, and I wanted to be there for him. Okay? It wasn't - it's not like I was giving him orders or anything-- -- -- well other than the one about his name, but--
[ This is the first Akobi is hearing that clones aren't in production in Dameron's time. It makes sense; if the Empire lost the war, their clone programs would shut down. The Rebel army didn't use clones, after all. The realization makes him take a mental step back to really understand that there's obviously a lot that happened that he didn't know about, and getting angry off of half the facts will help no one.
That's not to say that Dameron didn't just take a huge step down in Akobi's estimation of him, but before he jumped to any rash conclusions, he would be sure to get 622's side of the story.
He sighed, setting himself the task of folding up the now empty grocery bags to put them away in the pantry closet. ]
[ Poe lowered his hands, finally, though he didn't look any less awkward, and he was suddenly very very aware of his limbs and where he was and what he was doing.
What was he doing? 622 had gone out of his way to protect him, and he was just kicking it over like a sand castle. Damn it. ]
I didn't -- [ He swallowed, trying to think of the best way to put it, but then his power kicked in and dragged the confession out of him unfiltered: ] I hate the number. It's one of the most dehumanizing- degrading- I don't like them on droids and they're even worse on clones. Finn only had a number too, when I met him, so I figured out something else to call him and it stuck.
So I told him to fit in on this planet he'd need to take a name. I wasn't - I wasn't wrong, exactly, Force knows he gets grief trying to stick to his resignation. So I called him Taiko. For - for TK.
But I don't now. Because I know what that designation means for him, so it doesn't matter if I hate it.
This is the point I'm trying to make. Out of all of them - I was the worst. [ He swallowed, looking a little queasy. But he powered on. ]
I was the worst, and an idiot, and an asshole, and he was - he was only ever amazing, and I learned. If I could get it shaken out of me - they all can too. That's - that's all I'm trying to say.
[ There's a lot about this conversation that Akobi will have to unpack later. His first thought is that it's so obvious Dameron has never met a single clone before 622, if he thinks that the TK part of the designation is where an individual's name should come from. But Akobi doesn't comment on that, because that would be pedantic.
He needs to talk to 622. Get the whole report from him. He trusts 622's word more than the incoherent, emotional ramblings of some man from the future who thought it would be funny to play a joke on a clone soldier, then somehow had a change of heart and ended up falling for him. Not knowing about Poe's TMI power, the rushed-sounding confession just reads as immaturity to Akobi, but... 622 returns his feelings. So, knowing that, Akobi has to at least make an effort to understand why. ]
I see what you're trying to say. I do not, and will not agree with the path you took to get there. I want that stated now. But I appreciate that you arrived at this conclusion nonetheless.
Of course you don't agree with it. I don't agree with it. I've been spending every damn moment since then trying to make up for it.
If you weren't disgusted by it, I'd be a lot more worried in general, trust me. [ He pauses, swallowing. ]
I didn't... I didn't know he hadn't really told you. But you deserved to know it. The full, stupid, ugly mess of it. I swore to him that I'd never lie to him again, and that - that by necessity therefore extends to you.
... He did you proud, okay? He didn't do anything wrong. He cut off contact with me the moment I confessed. Didn't open it again until he was ordered to. So he - he didn't break any regulations, or - or do anything you would have disproved of.
He was a stormtrooper. [ His voice gets careful, suddenly. Not because he's lying but because he hasn't had to talk about Finn in a while, and after everything with 622 - - a part of him feels like he's betraying him. ]
Not like the clones. He was nabbed as a child - doesn't remember his family. He - he saved my life, aboard the Finaliser. Pulled me out of - well - not a great time. Saved me from execution. Helped me escape. Finished my mission when he thought I was dead. Was the key piece to bringing down the weapon that destroyed an entire system, and the - the best man I've ever known.
[ Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Full disclosure. Can't even leave this part out because 622 already knew - and if he left it out and the clone filled it in, so much for his vow of honesty. ]
He was here. For a while. We- I- we were together. A few months. He got ported out days before 622 showed up. [ Then, very quickly: ] Which is not an excuse for my behaviour, at all. Even if he would have hit me upside the head for it. I'm perfectly capable of being an idiot, regardless.
[ Akobi nods, listening. He keeps putting away groceries until the counter is clear of everything. Only then does he stop and say, ] ...So you have a type.
[ Despite himself, Poe flushed, though whether it was from annoyance (at himself) or embarrassment wasn't clear. He didn't answer the first part. It wasn't a question and Poe didn't want to think about it like that anyway. So he focused on the second part, and shook his head. ]
No. Natural born. Child soldiers are kind of their go to, apparently.
The more I hear about this First Order, the less I like. They sound like all the worst parts of the Empire with none of the ideals which drove it as a force for good in the galaxy.
Well, makes sense if you think about it. Any moderates, or people who were dedicated to peace, would have stayed during the transition. Tried to keep the galaxy a good place regardless of who was running it. The people who fled to the unknown regions were those that couldn't give up their position of power - the ones that thought force of might was more important than anything else.
They're extremists who hate everyone for having stolen the Galaxy from them. Like the worst parts of the Empire distilled down and then used and bent by a creature who stoked their need for revenge.
The most ruthless men in the Imperial Navy wouldn't have opened a war by destroying an entire system - even if they had that power. Even Tarkin was more strategic than that.
No. You're right. [ Even knowing Tarkin only by reputation, and knowing the deceitful and prideful things he has done in the name of the Empire, in the name of good... Akobi knows he would find such an opening strike too atrocious to consider. ]
At least... I hope you're right.
[ He pushes the heels of his hands into his eyes, sighing deeply. ] I don't like the direction the war is going, Dameron. I don't like it at all. I'm almost glad that I won't... [ Won't be alive to see it come to fruition. To be a part of a planet-destroying Army.
He doesn't finish the sentence. He doesn't care to, even if the rest of it is heavily implied and easily filled in. He swallows, dropping his hands and looking Poe square in the face. ]
As far as I'm concerned, this world is it for 622 and myself. And if one of us has a chance at happiness, here, away from the Empire and duty and the war we died fighting for... I'm glad it's him. Stars know he deserves it.
[ Bless Akobi and his doubts, Poe had thought, two months ago, trying to read 622's thoughts as they dissolved. Something in him relaxed - a coil of tension in his spine easing. Still, his voice took a lower, almost gentle tone: ]
I'm not going to lie. The war got brutal. There are graveyards that take up entire planets, and planets that no longer exist. But it still - that was escalation. What the First Order did... Five planets was the opening salvo. They hadn't even declared war. So it was ... different.
[ He felt a weird pang as Akobi continued. ]
You both deserve a chance. But I - yeah. That's basically how I feel about it. If I get a chance to give him some sort of happiness? Yeah. Of course I'm going to take it.
[ A part of Akobi wonders... if the Empire had had the technology for the DS-1 sooner, would they have taken the chance sooner? Or could the idea for a planet killer only come about after decades of war? Did hypotheticals even matter? Once the idea was out in the galaxy, it could only lead to more weapons, more death.
and this is before anyone tells him about the second attempt ]
We're both a little set in our ways... But 622 is a good man. Be good to him, and you'll only ever get good back.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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It's good of you to try. Don't let anyone, including me, talk you out of trying.
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Don't worry, you won't. [ A little of that bravado slipping into his voice, as he was getting a little too close to vulnerable for comfort. ]
I am told I am incredibly stubborn and bullheaded - don't think that's about to change any time soon.
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Don't worry, I knew plenty of men just like you in the Army. I can handle stubborn and bullheaded.
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Did he tell you what a dick I was, when we first met?
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[ And damn, if Akobi wasn't curious for more. ]
He said you prejudged him, because he was an Imperial stormtrooper.
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Either option made a very weird warmth grip his chest.
He wet his lips, busying his hands with fiddling with groceries. ]
I impersonated an Imperial Officer and told him that Canada was this nation's mortal enemy.
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You what?!
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Asshole, remember? It was supposed to be a thirty second joke.
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You knew he was a clone. You knew he would obey any Imperial Officer presented to him.
[ He shook his head, trying to focus instead of losing himself to anger. ] How long did this charade last?
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[ He swallowed, lowering his hands a little. ]
But he was so damn relieved to have someone there - five minutes later I decided to take him out for Chinese food. I--
Look. He needed someone. Okay? That much was damn obvious. And the state he was in when he got here - there was a good chance he'd punch me in the face, if he didn't shoot me. He was jumpy and - honestly, Commander, he was traumatized. So, yeah, I couldn't - I couldn't really give it up.
I know I should have, but I-- He's a good man, and I figured that out pretty damn fast, and I wanted to be there for him. Okay? It wasn't - it's not like I was giving him orders or anything-- -- -- well other than the one about his name, but--
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That's not to say that Dameron didn't just take a huge step down in Akobi's estimation of him, but before he jumped to any rash conclusions, he would be sure to get 622's side of the story.
He sighed, setting himself the task of folding up the now empty grocery bags to put them away in the pantry closet. ]
What order about his name?
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What was he doing? 622 had gone out of his way to protect him, and he was just kicking it over like a sand castle. Damn it. ]
I didn't -- [ He swallowed, trying to think of the best way to put it, but then his power kicked in and dragged the confession out of him unfiltered: ] I hate the number. It's one of the most dehumanizing- degrading- I don't like them on droids and they're even worse on clones. Finn only had a number too, when I met him, so I figured out something else to call him and it stuck.
So I told him to fit in on this planet he'd need to take a name. I wasn't - I wasn't wrong, exactly, Force knows he gets grief trying to stick to his resignation. So I called him Taiko. For - for TK.
But I don't now. Because I know what that designation means for him, so it doesn't matter if I hate it.
This is the point I'm trying to make. Out of all of them - I was the worst. [ He swallowed, looking a little queasy. But he powered on. ]
I was the worst, and an idiot, and an asshole, and he was - he was only ever amazing, and I learned. If I could get it shaken out of me - they all can too. That's - that's all I'm trying to say.
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He needs to talk to 622. Get the whole report from him. He trusts 622's word more than the incoherent, emotional ramblings of some man from the future who thought it would be funny to play a joke on a clone soldier, then somehow had a change of heart and ended up falling for him. Not knowing about Poe's TMI power, the rushed-sounding confession just reads as immaturity to Akobi, but... 622 returns his feelings. So, knowing that, Akobi has to at least make an effort to understand why. ]
I see what you're trying to say. I do not, and will not agree with the path you took to get there. I want that stated now. But I appreciate that you arrived at this conclusion nonetheless.
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If you weren't disgusted by it, I'd be a lot more worried in general, trust me. [ He pauses, swallowing. ]
I didn't... I didn't know he hadn't really told you. But you deserved to know it. The full, stupid, ugly mess of it. I swore to him that I'd never lie to him again, and that - that by necessity therefore extends to you.
... He did you proud, okay? He didn't do anything wrong. He cut off contact with me the moment I confessed. Didn't open it again until he was ordered to. So he - he didn't break any regulations, or - or do anything you would have disproved of.
.. It was just me.
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[ Bags gathered and put away, he gets back to shelving the rest of the groceries. ] So. While we're being honest. Who's Finn?
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Fuck. ]
He was a stormtrooper. [ His voice gets careful, suddenly. Not because he's lying but because he hasn't had to talk about Finn in a while, and after everything with 622 - - a part of him feels like he's betraying him. ]
Not like the clones. He was nabbed as a child - doesn't remember his family. He - he saved my life, aboard the Finaliser. Pulled me out of - well - not a great time. Saved me from execution. Helped me escape. Finished my mission when he thought I was dead. Was the key piece to bringing down the weapon that destroyed an entire system, and the - the best man I've ever known.
[ Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Full disclosure. Can't even leave this part out because 622 already knew - and if he left it out and the clone filled it in, so much for his vow of honesty. ]
He was here. For a while. We- I- we were together. A few months. He got ported out days before 622 showed up. [ Then, very quickly: ] Which is not an excuse for my behaviour, at all. Even if he would have hit me upside the head for it. I'm perfectly capable of being an idiot, regardless.
He hasn't been back since.
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This Finn... He wasn't a clone, I take it?
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No. Natural born. Child soldiers are kind of their go to, apparently.
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[ His expression turned grim. ]
I didn't even know that, before I met Finn, but. I didn't have any qualms fighting the First Order before, and I have a lot less now.
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He frowned, letting out a breath. ]
Well, makes sense if you think about it. Any moderates, or people who were dedicated to peace, would have stayed during the transition. Tried to keep the galaxy a good place regardless of who was running it. The people who fled to the unknown regions were those that couldn't give up their position of power - the ones that thought force of might was more important than anything else.
They're extremists who hate everyone for having stolen the Galaxy from them. Like the worst parts of the Empire distilled down and then used and bent by a creature who stoked their need for revenge.
The most ruthless men in the Imperial Navy wouldn't have opened a war by destroying an entire system - even if they had that power. Even Tarkin was more strategic than that.
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At least... I hope you're right.
[ He pushes the heels of his hands into his eyes, sighing deeply. ] I don't like the direction the war is going, Dameron. I don't like it at all. I'm almost glad that I won't... [ Won't be alive to see it come to fruition. To be a part of a planet-destroying Army.
He doesn't finish the sentence. He doesn't care to, even if the rest of it is heavily implied and easily filled in. He swallows, dropping his hands and looking Poe square in the face. ]
As far as I'm concerned, this world is it for 622 and myself. And if one of us has a chance at happiness, here, away from the Empire and duty and the war we died fighting for... I'm glad it's him. Stars know he deserves it.
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I'm not going to lie. The war got brutal. There are graveyards that take up entire planets, and planets that no longer exist. But it still - that was escalation. What the First Order did... Five planets was the opening salvo. They hadn't even declared war. So it was ... different.
[ He felt a weird pang as Akobi continued. ]
You both deserve a chance. But I - yeah. That's basically how I feel about it. If I get a chance to give him some sort of happiness? Yeah. Of course I'm going to take it.
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and this is before anyone tells him about the second attempt]We're both a little set in our ways... But 622 is a good man. Be good to him, and you'll only ever get good back.
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