[ He was not in the sky. In fact, he was already in the park, leaning up against a tree a little ways away. When he saw Akobi stop at the fountain, he let out a hard breath to try to calm himself, and then stepped out towards him. ]
So.
[ Just gonna start with the most important thing first. ]
You gonna finish that sentence or did you think better of it?
[ Ground it is. Akobi spots Poe standing by the tree just before he steps out. He steels himself, then approaches him as well, meeting him in the middle. ]
I would hope we both have benefited from some time to cool our heads. It wasn't my intention to issue an ultimatum to you, Dameron. I want you to know that.
[ Poe came to a stop above five feet away and crossed his arms. His 'cooler head' had basically only resulted in the decision to not wear the jacket he owned with the rebellion insignia emblazoned on it.
That was cooler, right? ]
So what was your intention, then. Because it sure sounded like an ultimatum to me.
[ Akobi exhales through his nose, shaking his head slowly. ]
It's one thing to say you can look past a person's affiliations and appreciate them for who they are. But to some people, those affiliations form a large part of who they are, who they want to be. I may be able to see the faults in what the Empire came to be, but that doesn't mean I'm going to turn my back on everything I fought for.
Unless what you fought for was the right to blow up populated planets. Because I didn’t think that was the base ideals you fought for, but I’ve been wrong before.
[ He had accused Poe of walking a delicate line before, but now here he is walking the line of not wanting to admit that everything the Empire did was right, while still maintaining some loyalty to the Empire as a whole. ]
It wasn't my place to question the planetkiller. I'm still not sure it is, now.
[ It was blunt and hard, but not angry, exactly. Not loud. ]
Loyalty isn't blind. You're not a clone. It's not something programmed into you, something hammered into your head that you don't even know is there to fight it. You are a man completely capable of his own moral judgement.
Following someone doesn't mean you think everything they do is right. And if you're actually loyal, then yeah, it's your place to question when they make bad decisions. Because our job - as loyal men - is to hold the people we follow to those standards.
I don't care if you believe in whatever the hell you mean by the Imperial Ideals. It's what you think make up those ideals that I care about.
I don't know how they run things in the New Republic, but I didn't get to the position I held by biting the hand that feeds me. Not when that hand also had the potential to do so much good for the galaxy. If I had questioned my superiors, about the DS-1, about Ettam... I never would have been able to do what I could for my people, for the men in my command.
[ Is this the first time he mentions Ettam to Poe? He doesn't know, and frankly right now, he's too incensed to care. ]
That's just the way things were in the Empire. The higher ups told you what was up and what was down, and you agreed. And if that ran counter to the ideals you wanted to achieve, then you did what you could, quietly, to set things right.
Fine. I get it. Keep your head down and do what you can. [ He doesn't get it. At all. But he sort of gets that other people think that's a way to do things. He's just never agreed. ]
I don't care about what you did, or what you had to do, Jereon, you're missing the damn point.
All I want to know is if you think it was right. I'm not blaming you for anything, okay? I just want to know if you honestly believe that killing millions of civilians is a justified action.
It matters to me. [ He punctuates that with a jabbed finger into his own chest. Then he just kind of stares Poe down, breathing heavily from his outburst. They're drawing looks from the other people in the park, and Akobi should care about that, should care about the example he's setting as an agent of Aegis.
He exhales sharply, taking a step back. ]
I can't just abandon the Empire, Poe. Even if I don't agree with its decisions.
You're the one who wanted to draw a damned line in the sand solely because I wanted you to admit that blowing up planets full of civilians is fucked up. And I would have never even asked that of you if you hadn't tried defending it to me!
I have spent -- months -- convincing the others that you were people beyond your insignia. That regardless of atrocities committed, you didn't have to own them. Because you don't. Nothing is fucking perfect. Force knows the New Republic wasn't fucking perfect either, but it didn't deserve to get blown out of the sky. None of them did. No one deserves that.
You can fly whatever flag you want, as long as I know that you're a good man under it. Because I believe that good men can exist, regardless of faction, or placement. I believe that, which is why I refuse to let you attempt to force me to either except everything the empire is, or abandon you both. Because, damn it, I love that man and--
[ He stopped abruptly, only realizing what he was saying after it left his mouth, and then he flushed, darkly. He dropped his hand back to his side, balling it up, and took a step back. ]
[ Akobi was about to argue further, to shout back that Poe was not the judge of what makes a man good or evil, and that Akobi didn't have to prove himself to Poe or anyone else, but...
He can't, after that.
There's a long silence. The geese settle back down in the grass around the fountain. A child and her mother play nearby. ]
I refuse to come between you and 622. I know it's not as simple as me just saying it, but... He loves you too. He may not have said it, because I'm not sure he even knows how to recognize it, but I can see it, in the way he looks at you, the way he talks about you. I refuse to take that from him. He's my closest friend, and losing you would... devastate him in a way I don't know I could repair him from.
[ He'd kept Akobi's gaze the whole time he'd been yelling, but now? Now he can't meet his eyes. His skin is still dark and flushed, but his hand is bunched up so tight that his knuckles have gone pale as he glares as a spot on the ground.
It should feel good, to hear that kind of affirmation.
It should.
When he speaks again, the intensity is still in his voice but it's far, far quieter. ]
But you could. [ And this is the real point, this is what's the actual issue at hand, at least as far as Poe sees it. Not that he told it to himself that way, or even that he can even really see it. But this is the noose that he's felt being drawn around his neck all day.
His eyes close and he tries to steady himself by breathing hard through his nose, just once. ]
You could. You know that. You could say that you didn't want him to see me again, and he never would. You could tell him to hurt me - you could tell him to kill me, and he would.
[ His eyes open and finally find Akobi's again. ]
He is a good man, but you have more control over him than any person ever should. So if he's a good man, you have to be the best of them.
[ He doesn't protest. Even though that is an unfair amount of pressure for one man. He accepts that responsibility. He accepted it a long time ago, when he was first given a command. The only difference here is that there's only one man he has to be responsible for, instead of a whole unit of troops and junior officers. ]
I can be a good man without decrying the Empire's actions. [ He states simply and firmly, voice even. ]
[ It was unfair. Of course it was. It was unfair on every level. For Akobi to have that power in the first place, for Poe to expect so much of him because of it.
But it didn’t matter how unfair it was, because it was the truth. Poe kept his gaze level. ]
You sure?
[ It wasn't sarcastic, or sassy, or mocking. It was an even, honest question. ]
Because I don’t think I could say the same, about the New Republic.
[ Not when listening to him - listening to Leia - could have saved billions of people’s lives. ]
[ Evil? No. He doesn't think the New Republic was evil. But they were certainly seduced by it - turned a blind eye to it.
And turning a blind eye to evil is almost as bad as the evil itself. Hence - well, this whole conversation.
But he sighs, crossing his arms and looking away. ]
That's why I think that if you believe in the ideals, the good ones, you gotta hold your superiors accountable. It's too easy for everything to go to shit, otherwise.
[ He looked back at Akobi. ]
But you meant it, right? You're not going to-- [ He halted, unsure of a way to word it that didn't sound stupid or desperate. ]
[ Akobi's lips press together and he shakes his head. ]
It's a good thing, then, that I won't ever have to have that chance.
[ Because there's no way he's going back home. His time with the Empire is done.
He deflates a bit, his shoulders sagging, and shakes his head firmly but slowly. ] I'm not going to come between you and 622. The last thing I want is to ruin his happiness.
This... [ Akobi sighs. ] This all spiraled out of control. But it's like I told your friend, I won't do anything to come between you and 622 if I can help it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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So.
[ Just gonna start with the most important thing first. ]
You gonna finish that sentence or did you think better of it?
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I would hope we both have benefited from some time to cool our heads. It wasn't my intention to issue an ultimatum to you, Dameron. I want you to know that.
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That was cooler, right? ]
So what was your intention, then. Because it sure sounded like an ultimatum to me.
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It's one thing to say you can look past a person's affiliations and appreciate them for who they are. But to some people, those affiliations form a large part of who they are, who they want to be. I may be able to see the faults in what the Empire came to be, but that doesn't mean I'm going to turn my back on everything I fought for.
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I didn’t ask you to.
Unless what you fought for was the right to blow up populated planets. Because I didn’t think that was the base ideals you fought for, but I’ve been wrong before.
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[ He had accused Poe of walking a delicate line before, but now here he is walking the line of not wanting to admit that everything the Empire did was right, while still maintaining some loyalty to the Empire as a whole. ]
It wasn't my place to question the planetkiller. I'm still not sure it is, now.
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[ It was blunt and hard, but not angry, exactly. Not loud. ]
Loyalty isn't blind. You're not a clone. It's not something programmed into you, something hammered into your head that you don't even know is there to fight it. You are a man completely capable of his own moral judgement.
Following someone doesn't mean you think everything they do is right. And if you're actually loyal, then yeah, it's your place to question when they make bad decisions. Because our job - as loyal men - is to hold the people we follow to those standards.
I don't care if you believe in whatever the hell you mean by the Imperial Ideals. It's what you think make up those ideals that I care about.
no subject
I don't know how they run things in the New Republic, but I didn't get to the position I held by biting the hand that feeds me. Not when that hand also had the potential to do so much good for the galaxy. If I had questioned my superiors, about the DS-1, about Ettam... I never would have been able to do what I could for my people, for the men in my command.
[ Is this the first time he mentions Ettam to Poe? He doesn't know, and frankly right now, he's too incensed to care. ]
That's just the way things were in the Empire. The higher ups told you what was up and what was down, and you agreed. And if that ran counter to the ideals you wanted to achieve, then you did what you could, quietly, to set things right.
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I don't care about what you did, or what you had to do, Jereon, you're missing the damn point.
All I want to know is if you think it was right. I'm not blaming you for anything, okay? I just want to know if you honestly believe that killing millions of civilians is a justified action.
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--No! Of course I wouldn't choose genocide! I want nothing less than the loss of civilian life. But it wasn't up to me.
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Great!! Fantastic! That is literally all I fucking wanted, okay? Don't - if you don't even fucking agree with it, then don't fucking defend it to me.
None of them are even here for you to defend in the first place! So it doesn't matter.
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He exhales sharply, taking a step back. ]
I can't just abandon the Empire, Poe. Even if I don't agree with its decisions.
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[ He points a finger at Akobi. ]
You're the one who wanted to draw a damned line in the sand solely because I wanted you to admit that blowing up planets full of civilians is fucked up. And I would have never even asked that of you if you hadn't tried defending it to me!
I have spent -- months -- convincing the others that you were people beyond your insignia. That regardless of atrocities committed, you didn't have to own them. Because you don't. Nothing is fucking perfect. Force knows the New Republic wasn't fucking perfect either, but it didn't deserve to get blown out of the sky. None of them did. No one deserves that.
You can fly whatever flag you want, as long as I know that you're a good man under it. Because I believe that good men can exist, regardless of faction, or placement. I believe that, which is why I refuse to let you attempt to force me to either except everything the empire is, or abandon you both. Because, damn it, I love that man and--
[ He stopped abruptly, only realizing what he was saying after it left his mouth, and then he flushed, darkly. He dropped his hand back to his side, balling it up, and took a step back. ]
Damn it. Fucking damn it.
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He can't, after that.
There's a long silence. The geese settle back down in the grass around the fountain. A child and her mother play nearby. ]
I refuse to come between you and 622. I know it's not as simple as me just saying it, but... He loves you too. He may not have said it, because I'm not sure he even knows how to recognize it, but I can see it, in the way he looks at you, the way he talks about you. I refuse to take that from him. He's my closest friend, and losing you would... devastate him in a way I don't know I could repair him from.
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It should feel good, to hear that kind of affirmation.
It should.
When he speaks again, the intensity is still in his voice but it's far, far quieter. ]
But you could. [ And this is the real point, this is what's the actual issue at hand, at least as far as Poe sees it. Not that he told it to himself that way, or even that he can even really see it. But this is the noose that he's felt being drawn around his neck all day.
His eyes close and he tries to steady himself by breathing hard through his nose, just once. ]
You could. You know that. You could say that you didn't want him to see me again, and he never would. You could tell him to hurt me - you could tell him to kill me, and he would.
[ His eyes open and finally find Akobi's again. ]
He is a good man, but you have more control over him than any person ever should. So if he's a good man, you have to be the best of them.
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I can be a good man without decrying the Empire's actions. [ He states simply and firmly, voice even. ]
I CHANGED MY MIND
But it didn’t matter how unfair it was, because it was the truth. Poe kept his gaze level. ]
You sure?
[ It wasn't sarcastic, or sassy, or mocking. It was an even, honest question. ]
Because I don’t think I could say the same, about the New Republic.
[ Not when listening to him - listening to Leia - could have saved billions of people’s lives. ]
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Is it just all governing bodies, then, that fall to corruption and evil?
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[ Evil? No. He doesn't think the New Republic was evil. But they were certainly seduced by it - turned a blind eye to it.
And turning a blind eye to evil is almost as bad as the evil itself. Hence - well, this whole conversation.
But he sighs, crossing his arms and looking away. ]
That's why I think that if you believe in the ideals, the good ones, you gotta hold your superiors accountable. It's too easy for everything to go to shit, otherwise.
[ He looked back at Akobi. ]
But you meant it, right? You're not going to-- [ He halted, unsure of a way to word it that didn't sound stupid or desperate. ]
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It's a good thing, then, that I won't ever have to have that chance.
[ Because there's no way he's going back home. His time with the Empire is done.
He deflates a bit, his shoulders sagging, and shakes his head firmly but slowly. ] I'm not going to come between you and 622. The last thing I want is to ruin his happiness.
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... Alright.
[ Another pause, and then a level look at Akobi. ]
Because I promised not to come between the two of you. Or between him and the Empire. I promised him that.
And I intend to keep that promise.
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Like you told my friend?
Which friend?
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Two.
Then a heavy sigh as Poe scrubbed his face. ]
I told him I would handle it.
Sorry. I didn't know he'd - damn it. I said I'd handle it--
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