Of course you don't agree with it. I don't agree with it. I've been spending every damn moment since then trying to make up for it.

If you weren't disgusted by it, I'd be a lot more worried in general, trust me. [ He pauses, swallowing. ]

I didn't... I didn't know he hadn't really told you. But you deserved to know it. The full, stupid, ugly mess of it. I swore to him that I'd never lie to him again, and that - that by necessity therefore extends to you.

... He did you proud, okay? He didn't do anything wrong. He cut off contact with me the moment I confessed. Didn't open it again until he was ordered to. So he - he didn't break any regulations, or - or do anything you would have disproved of.

.. It was just me.